I haven’t really made resolutions for the past few years. I think more in terms of goals. In what way do I want my life to look different at the end of 2016 than it is now? Truthfully, I haven’t thought of it to much. We have our big lofty dream goals of course like being financially stable, but I haven’t set down to think about what steps I want to take for this year. Mostly, because anytime I sit down, there is at least one child on top of me, and often at least two wanting my attention.
As I sit here with a few rare moments of silence, watching my new baby sleep blissfully on my lap, I am trying to think about the future. It is possible that we will move in 2016, but I really don’t think that will happen. I would love for my husband to go back to school to finish his degree, or get a job with more room for promotion, but those must be his goals if they are to happen.
We just went to a new church. I would really love to stick to that and see if this place is as loving and open as they say. I want to always grow that area of my life, and as someone with very little alone time to be quiet and reflect, it has not come easy to me.
I want to work on being mindful of the present moment. While reading a book to my son, I noticed how different the experience was when I was fully present and animated, watching his reactions and soaking up his laughter or answering his questions; versus when I let my mind wander while my mouth went on autopilot parroting words that I had read many times before. I want to focus on now right this minute, on what is right in front of me. This applies to worry about the future and all the things that could go wrong, or dwelling on past mistakes.
I want to try to make the most of our meager income. I have always been good at budgeting, but I know I could do better so that I can maximize the amount I can spend on adventures with the family.
I want to grow my friendships. I have prayed and wished for true friends for a very long time. I have been hurt often while trying to find them. It is not easy for me to deepen these relationships into something truly meaningful. I am socially anxious and sometimes awkward. Despite this, I have finally found a few women who truly get me, who are in the same stages of life I am in, with common interests, and no desire to judge my life. This past year has been about finding each other and being intentional about spending time together. I want this next year to be about continuing that and more.
And lastly, but still very important, I want to laugh more. I want to not take everything so seriously. I want to truly realize how much of the things that I allow to stress me out are just small things. I chose my reaction, and I want to choose to laugh when possible. To make time for silliness and fun because it is important.
I think that is about it. For now, at least, since goals and changes do not only have to be thought about during New Years. This list was about me, about writing down my thoughts and intentions. I hope to read this next year and see that I have moved forward.