I am not a big believer in making decisions out of fear. I’ve noticed that people make many choices out of fear of the “what-ifs”.
I have heard comments like “I wouldn’t let our child sleep in our bed because, what if they never want to leave?” or “If I start letting them watch television, they will want to do nothing else”, and “If I let them get away with that this time, they might always try it.” I have even heard of parents deciding not to have any more children because “they have been so lucky thus far, what if this next one is not healthy?”
Unfortunately, in life there are no guarantees. There is no guarantee that your child will even make it to tomorrow. You only have right now. So I choose to my decisions out of love, and what feels right for my family today. I will not let fear of something that may or may not even happen dictate how I will live.
I choose to bedshare because I love it, my husband loves it (actually it was his idea), and my children love it. Nothing makes me feel more warm and fuzzy than cuddling with my family. I can never replace the memories of the funny things my girl has said in her sleep, or the look on my son’s face when he sees me first thing in the morning. Will they be in there forever? I doubt it. I don’t know how long they or any of our future children will need to be in our bed. But I won’t force them out because of fear of lack of independence or what not.
We watch television sometimes, even my toddlers. I enjoy a good laugh, a little break, or some mindless entertainment sometimes, especially in the evening when I am tired from the day. I am not going to not watch because “they” say it could be bad. I do not prevent television for fear of a mindless zombie child who will lack creativity. That has not been my experience at all.
I try not to view allowing my child to do something that some do not, as “getting away with it”. I see myself as flexible. There is very little that is actually black and white. Every day, every situation can be different. Children’s needs change and so do mine. I make each decision based on what is needed now, keeping in mind my goals for the future and the desire to raise my children with love and respect.
I am blessed with a healthy family right now. I am not guaranteed health tomorrow and neither are my children. I am not guaranteed anything. So why would I make a decision based on a “what if” for a future I may never see.
I am not a big believer in making decisions out of fear. I am a believer in making decisions out of what works for us, not the subjects of some study I read on the internet. I am a believer in making decisions out of love.